Nearly everyone lies from time to time, and lying out of consideration may even help protect someone else’s feelings or keep stability in your relationship. However, excessive or destructive lying can irreparably harm your relationship with your spouse.
Is it ok to lie out of consideration?, What extent is a lie seen to be destructive. There’s in fact considerate lies, take telling your spouse you alright when you have an ailment, and distinguish from not telling your spouse about a disease you’re suffering from. I say there’s a huge space between those two.
Sad fact is considerate lies are the bedrocks of destructive lies in a relationship.
How to deal with a lying spouse
If you suspect that your spouse is being dishonest, there are steps you can take to respond with compassion for both your partner and yourself.
- Rely on your instincts. It’s important to trust your intuition. Your gut reaction may be more accurate than trying to identify their behaviors often associated with lying such as fidgeting and lack of eye contact.
Set healthy expectations for honesty. For example, expecting your spouse to tell you exactly where they are and what they are doing at every minute of the day is an unreasonable request. But expecting honesty about their plans when they leave the house or when you periodically check in is usually reasonable.
- Be more cautious, take time to answer their questions. When your partner is relaying what you think to be a lie, take a brief moment before you answer. Use the time to process any of your spouse’s lying patterns and keep yourself from responding impulsively.
Ask direct questions or challenge what your spouse is saying. A 2008 study suggests asking for eye contact and then requesting that the story be told in reverse when you think a person may be lying. Lying takes a considerable amount of effort, so if you ask your spouse to retell their story out of chronological order, cracks in the story and other behavioral indicators may be easier to spot. Read More…….